for this week, I will buy film for my polaroids 600 I got from the thrift store today and..

I will buy at least 3 books..

I will write poetry..

I will buy my mama something nice. She deserves it.

I will love myself in SOME kinda steezy way..

This time in my life is a beautiful one.

I feel it.

I desire it to be true.



I really enjoyed myself.

I kissed a man, danced to a really good DJ mix, wore my favorite skirt.

And I held a 40.

I haven’t blogged in like

some days.

I’m in constant re-evalutation of my life, you never really stop growing.

Or changing.

Or making mistakes.

Or making choices.

Life comes at you in angles you never really think of.

And for that I’m grateful and pissed.

So here I am, dedicating my blog, my ideas, and my WORLD to travel, good food, lots of sex, books, and

even a little money this year.

Time has worked in my favor and against me in so many ways.

I’m becoming more apart of life as opposed to making it apart of me.

Why the fuck not..ya know?

As many may know. I love dieting.

Dieting doesn’t always mean you want to lose weight, or you’re starving yourself.

For me it means choosing the right energies to place in and OUT of your body.

I have struggled with the insecurities of acne, being too small, thinking too big.

But as I go each day I find something new about myself that I can live with and that I’m comfortable sharing with you all.

Here is a few fucked up and out of the ordinary dieting regimes I’ve made apart of my life, sometimes everyday sometimes when I feel like it.

Just as long as it’s done.

RUN. I run a couple blocks and I’m usually winded. DONE. But luckily my conscience tells me to keep pushing, my friends tell me I can do it, and my tummy begs me to go on so it doesn’t get bigger. My legs hate me. I take pride in how fit my body LOOKS but if I want to maintain that I have to run. and it’s a great stress reliever. I make a playlist on my phone or think of something that pisses  me off and I usually don’t stop running.

YOGA. I don’t do this everyday, hell sometimes I don’t do it at all, but when I do I try to keep a clear mind and heart. To be one with yourself and physically content you have to be at peace.  There’s physical and mental yoga you can do to strengthen your appearance and your vibes.

STRETCHING. When I was little when my “granny” would wake me up before school and she would tell me to stretch. As soon as my feet hit the cold floor I was stretching. It’s a great way to get your blood flowing, become more flexible, and have more energy. After awhile it becomes secondary to brushing your teeth (you all brush your teeth don’t you?!)

FRUIT AND VEGETABLE. I love fruit. I love vegetables. What better way to have a healthy intake than to consume those two things. They’re sometimes extremely expensive but if you can spend 15 bucks at micky d’s or 30 at apple bees, I’m sure you can afford broccoli and apples. Simple.

DON’T INDULGE. This is a personal decision I’ve come to terms with. NO HEAVY FOOD BEFORE 12P.M. Although I don’t wake up til 1 on some days if I am up before the sun I try not to indulge in a crazy amount of heavy solid food. I honestly have no sense of time, but for this particular diet I try to keep it tight (eventually I’ll just know when I can pig out). Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day..but I’m teaching myself to not indulge in biscuits, grits (damn!), and turkey bacon. I can take my time with small portions or a bottle of water and yogurt to start my day. Same for dinner and lunch..DONT INDULGE.

this next one will fuck you up but…

EAT WHATEVER I CHOOSE. Eat whatever..not whenever. I’m sure not to contradict my dieting habits. People think because they don’t eat pork or they never had candy they’re the most amazing folks on earth. uh. no. Sometimes it’s all about HOW MUCH you eat. I personally stay away from pork and beef (and if I do slip up and even take a bite I wash it down and out with water and veggies..or else I’ll get sick).  It doesn’t make you better because you don’t eat those things, you’re just conscious of its effects. But if you ate turkey burgers and rice all day,you never know what you’ll look like at 40. So I learned to enjoy food PERIOD and eat what I enjoy the most in portions, like a gift to my tummy every now and again. 

DANCE.  I LOVE to dance. Alone, in front of a big mirror, with my friends, my King, family. I may not go twirling around everywhere or dropping it like it’s hot at every party. But I like to dance. It’s a fun way to stay in shape and I look pretty damn good doing it. BAM BAM!

CRY. I’m the biggest cry baby. I cry about almost everything. Sometimes you see it sometimes you don’t, but I realized this helps me release a lot of negative energy. Even positive because not every tear is a result from hurting. 

Those are just a few things I think about when I think about how i want to look and feel when I’m 50.

I want to be able to run, stretch, dance, eat whatever I want, have crazy wild sex, and be okay when all is said and done.

I don’t do these things everyday and that’s cool.

In order to have outer beauty you have to be beautiful on the inside.

Eat and move fearlessly.


Your intake becomes your outtake.


Be grateful not only for the material things,

but for the people placed in your life that stick by you, lift you up, and love you..



just having fun.


Currently awake and decided to google my life number.

And this is what I found..



“People with a Life Path number 8 do not feel safe unless they have found a way to establish financial security. 

It is difficult for an Eight to take advice. When they make a choice, they must feel it is their decision, NOT SOMEONE ELSES. As a result, they do tend to learn the hard way. Eights are very honest and by being so blunt, they unintentionally hurt feelings. Although they can sometimes appear insensitive, what is going on inside them is the exact opposite. They do feel deeply about everything that goes on in their lives. People with a Life Path 8 are born with natural leadership skills. If your Life Path is an 8 you are very ambitious and goal oriented. You have strong organizational skills and broad vision which make you successful in business. 

Eight represents authority, material wealth, ambition, and caution. A person with the number 8 in their chart will work diligently to achieve their goals. This person would make a good business manager and leader. They thrive on hard work, and more than any other Life Path number are prone to becoming a workaholic. They are very good with money and their work ethic makes it possible for them to acquire wealth. This pursuit of materialistic gains can hold some pitfalls for them, including a tendency to become unscrupulous in their efforts to make money, or neglect of thier family and loved ones while working to earn money. 

If you are an Eight, you are a good judge of character and attract the right kind of people to work with you toward your vision. This makes you a natural executive and excellent in the business or political arena. You have a need for success, and a strong desire to be recognized for your achievements. 

Because you consider status very important you may be tempted to live above your means. You should also pay special attention to telling and showing your loved ones that you care – being a good provider isn’t the only way of doing this. 

Life Path number 8 is also a number of returning karma and opportunity. You are reviewing the lessons you’ve brought from other lifetimes, and reinforcing what you choose to keep. Below are some key points you might want to take into consideration to help you on your path …

The eight life path is the time to learn what really matters. Things of dishonesty in the past may present themselves again in this lifetime. Even important choices that you made well may revisit you.

Eight has a built-in sense of the relationship between the past, present and future. It’s almost impossible for you to look at a situation and not also see what probably led to it and what will happen next. You can probably see the best way to improve the situation, too.

You’ll probably have a recurring pattern of people entering, leaving and returning to you. Things and people just have a way of returning to you eventually.

You could be a wonderful counselor, helping other people to see the patterns and recurring events of their lives. You also probably have the compassion to do it, just remember that sometimes your direct honesty can be hard to take.

Know that another possible interest or career could be anything involving history and antiques. You could be the guy with great stories down at the local antique store, or some body’s high school history teacher .”


Love, support, trial and error is almost everything one may need in life to be a better person.  I am extremely grateful for the support system I do have. They may not always tell me what I want to hear and sometimes it isn’t going to always FEEL good, but they’re mines.  The love and support you receive from a friend, a mother, a significant other can help you through some situations you may not want to face.  So be grateful in who chooses to look your way and see you out of a bad moment. Because that’s what life consists of, good and bad moments, phases, SEASONS.  And life places different people in your cypher, some to see you at high places and some to kick you when you’re down.  I listen to Corrine Bailey Rae “Seasons” and think about my own phases and seasons in life.  Glad that I could evolve and learn from each one because if I hadn’t I’d still be in fucked up place, with fucked up people to see me continually hurt myself. 

I was hanging with a few friends and we were outside chatting about the weather. I hate being cold and it’s the middle of December.  We kept mentioning how uncomfortable this winter weather was and I kept saying how much I HATED being cold.  Why couldn’t it be spring and summer all year round?  Obviously for the sake of the Earth and this Universe, summer all year round would result in some not so good experiences yet, I was sure I’d rather have it that way.  My friend said she used to feel the same way until she started to appreciate each season.  The next thing she told me, if I remember correctly, “YOU CAN’T GO THROUGH LIFE WAITING FOR THE NEXT SEASON”.  At first I was thrown off because I honestly never looked at the Universe in such a way. I just knew my body didn’t like the feel of cold and I much rather it be  90 degrees outside.  It opened me up just a little more.  I have been going through life waiting for the NEXT best thing as opposed to enjoying each season, each moment, for what it was.  I felt so let down.  Like I had let myself down because as a person I knew the BEST thing to do was to cherish each moment in life and not let it falter.  I knew to take each step in stride and hope for the best out of ANY situation.  But real life doesn’t always turn out how you expect and it doesn’t always make you feel that way.  I let the worst and the best of my circumstances and situation get the best of me.  I was weak.  I’m so glad I had a friend to tell me something so small yet so real because somewhere along the way, I lost myself.

So for yesterday and today and the many days of my life, I’ve come to the conclusion no matter what the situation is, to appreciate each season as it comes.  And I mean that in a general and literal sense.  To appreciate the snow, the rain, the wind, the flowers, and the sun.  To appreciate the blessings and the hardships placed in my life.  To appreciate the food on my table, the bed I sleep in every night, and all of the things I constantly take for granted.  To appreciate my family and friends no matter how crazy our situations are in life.  To appreciate the love I receive from a significant other because that very love sees you through a bad day or another heartbreak.  To appreciate the time someone gives you out of the kindness of their heart because they want to make you smile and rather see you happy.  Not everyday in life is a good day, you have to learn to weather the storm. Without these blessings everyday and the people in my cypher that truly love and support me I am very small.  I am small compared to the greatness and willingness of others.  I hope to make a change in myself for my familys’ sake. For my lovers’ sake.  For my friends that prove they are true. 

I am no longer what I say I am but what I show you.