Archives for the month of: February, 2012

we struggle with the existence of our significant others and what they want, more than we truly know.

More than what we, ourselves, truly want.

There’s nothing like loving someone.

Holding and kissing someone.

Trusting and believing someone.

Sexing someone who’ll sex you BACK.

But when your sanity and your own spiritual protection becomes threatened, what do you do?

Do you continue to love in the midst of trial, do you take a break, or do you stop?

What about the love you have for yourself, if any? Trusting, believing in, sexing, appreciating, holding YOU.

I have loved and I have fucked up.

I think we all have and will at some point in time.  

I just pray that my own mental ma’at isn’t tainted along the way. Even when the prayer goes unanswered at times.

In love, I give out of unselfishness, with care, I give because seeing someone happier than me seems right. Seems fair, better.

Sometimes with my selfish and naive ways, I give. Love, time, money, I give all of me.

I love out of fear,  of being alone sometimes.  Fear that I’m not worth my OWN love..

and maybe that’s why it’s no longer there.

When things get hard along the way, love can bring you out, patience can bring you out, meditation and 

some balance in your seasons can bring you out.

You can choose to fight for your love, your sanity, your grace or you can walk away.

It’s not the worse you can do and it may not be your best, but some people and some circumstances are not worth the struggle. 

You know when too much is just..too much.

One thing I’ve learned in my journey of falling in love with the good and the bad in people, and most importantly in myself, I learned that this LIFE won’t FAIL you.

No matter what you do or say, your life is a story you can write, and re-write if you have to.

When you want to.

However you please..if you please.

This life will give you everything you need and desire, if it’s love from yourself, even love from another.

Faith. Time. Patience. Courage. Sufficiency. Strength.

This life will give you all that and more. Especially when you desire these things not from someone you love, but from yourself.

Now tell me,  How can you fail?

When you figure out how to fall deeply in love with yourself and say “Hey, I’m fucking amazing.”,

this world will bless you in unexplainable ways.

So if you struggle with the inability to love how you’re expected to love, don’t worry.

Your expectations are mere thoughts that hinder you from what you really deserve.

Self-Love is a CONQUERING attribute.

Because I indeed live and I learn, I grow up and I get younger, and I realize life is about chances.

Choices.

As I blog this, one of my favorite songs comes on, a small reminder of how beautiful life is.

And how something as simple as SONG can make you feel on top of the world..

let alone on top of someone you LOVE. Ha.

Peace and Blessings. For real.

btw, “Sweet Disposition -The Temper Trap”..check it out one day..

Conflict of a Man -ERIMAJ

I like this.

for this week, I will buy film for my polaroids 600 I got from the thrift store today and..

I will buy at least 3 books..

I will write poetry..

I will buy my mama something nice. She deserves it.

I will love myself in SOME kinda steezy way..

This time in my life is a beautiful one.

I feel it.

I desire it to be true.

Peace.

I really enjoyed myself.

I kissed a man, danced to a really good DJ mix, wore my favorite skirt.

And I held a 40.

I haven’t blogged in like

some days.

I’m in constant re-evalutation of my life, you never really stop growing.

Or changing.

Or making mistakes.

Or making choices.

Life comes at you in angles you never really think of.

And for that I’m grateful and pissed.

So here I am, dedicating my blog, my ideas, and my WORLD to travel, good food, lots of sex, books, and

even a little money this year.

Time has worked in my favor and against me in so many ways.

I’m becoming more apart of life as opposed to making it apart of me.

Why the fuck not..ya know?